Windows to the Soul
by Celeste.J.Evans
Summary: Insights and Continuations of Episodes. Nothing special just when the inspiration strikes. Update: Chapter 7 Spoilers for 3x22
1. Hot

**Alright, well this is my first time writing a Castle-fic, even if it is a one shot so please go gentle with me. It's hopefully alright, there's not a lot to it but I have hope. Please let me know what you think. **

***EDIT: So I'm just going to put all of my one shots in one place which will be forever known as here. This is a short little thing based on "Nikki Heat". Most of these will be continuations or insigths just because I like writing those. I also tend to go back and edit things once they've been published but nothing will change, just grammer and the occational word, no worries. 3 Please Review!**

**Disclaimer: I am a couple bucks away from owning Castle but not just yet. **

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Kate watched as Rick slowly wrapped his arms around Natalie, the kiss moving in neither direction. As the elevator doors closed, she continued to stare at the spot where they had been, unsure as to what to do. She felt something rise up and wrap around her chest and she pretended that she didn't immediately recognize the familiar ping of jealousy. But why should she be jealous? She wasn't dating him; they weren't a couple; she was just his partner. And what was he thinking, kissing her, anyways? Didn't he have _Gina_? She did not just spit at his publisher's name because that was what jealous women did and Kate Beckett was not a jealous woman – especially not of _Rick_ _Castle_ playboy extraordinaire. He was egotistical, completely insensitive, a womanizer, totally immature and, now, a cheater.

But he could be so selfless sometimes. All of those instances where he had tackled her to the ground as a bullet had come flying at them from a suspect; she remembered when they had first met, how selfish he was and – as much as it pained her – he had grown. He wasn't as self-absorbed as he used to be. All of those moments when he had stayed by her side – or stepped aside – when she was dealing with something particularly difficult in her life. He always seemed to know what she needed, even if she didn't. She hated to admit it but he knew her very well – better than most – and he loved to rub it in her face by being mister sensitive right when she needed him to be. Of course he wasn't always the perfect gentleman but that wasn't too bad either. She just wished that he didn't flaunt his relationships around whenever he slept with one of his bimbos. But come to think of it, she hadn't seen – or heard – of many conquests lately. Even before he was dating Gina, his scandalous liaisons were becoming few and far between. There were a few close calls but she was beginning to wonder if his playboy attitude was merely a publicity stunt. After all, hyper maen-children are not exactly the most appealing so what possibility was there that he was actually a womanizing man-whore? Very little. She could, however, imagine him as the kid in the candy store that he truly was, jumping around, trying all of the different sugary treats. If she was honest with herself, he really had grown up from the moment they first met. She especially loved watching him with Alexis. The few times she had seen them together made her feel almost privileged. He was a good father and she knew that but that didn't stop her from loving his inner child that poked its head out every chance it got. He made her life fun and, as a cop with an excessive amount of baggage, she needed fun.

Him as a cheater, though? She couldn't find something to love in that. That was the deal breaker. Regardless of who he was with, she had always considered him to be faithful – especially after Meredith – but she knew very well that the kiss she had just witnessed was anything but platonic.

Right about now, they would probably be jumping into a taxi together, headed towards her apartment – Alexis would be at his home – and that was as far as she could get. Her mind – or her heart – wouldn't let her go any farther than the front door of Natalie's apartment despite knowing that _Rook_ and _Nikki_ would go a lot farther than that.

Finally willing herself to look away from the offending images, snapping her jaw shut, Kate busied herself with adjusting and readjusting the pile of papers on her desk blinking away frustration – not tears, she told herself. Oh who was she kidding? She was jealous as hell of Castle and her body-double. If she hadn't known better, she would have sworn that it looked like _her_ and Castle lost in a lip lock but of course it wasn't and she certainly didn't want that so why was she suddenly blushing? Oh that's right – Maddie's words suddenly hit her upside the head – she was_ hot for Castle_.

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It was a few moments after the elevator doors closed completely that Rick finally regained his senses. What they hell was he doing? Oh that's right, the lower half of his brain reminded, you're kissing the love of your life. But these weren't Beckett's lips – not that he'd ever tasted them before – and this wasn't Beckett's body – that he knew for certain – but she looked so much like her and even… he inhaled subtly and caught the slightest whiff of cherries. Groaning, he allowed himself one more moment of make-believe bliss before using the hand on her upper arms to push her just far enough for their lips to part. She looked immediately stunned but he could still see lust in those eyes – the ones that weren't _her's_ – and she kept her own fingers lost in his hair. She tried her best "smoldering Beckett" look – though she would never tell him that was what she had named the attempt at seduction – and let a smile play at her lips.

"Come home with me?" She whispered a breath away from his lips. He stared down at her for a long moment, weighing his options. He _could_ go home with her – it's not like he and Gina were on the greatest of terms at the moment – but could he do that to _her_? Would it feel the same knowing that she was only _pretending_ to be Nikki and she wasn't real? The real one – the one he wanted – was back at the precinct most likely having a mental breakdown from having two people shadow her; one who hadn't answered the other's request. With a grateful smile, he finished his previous task of pushing her away.

"Not tonight." He spoke as the elevator doors dinged open and he hurriedly made his way to find an empty cab. No way in hell was he sticking around to explain his actions. Usually, when beautiful women threw themselves at him, he never resisted but lately, he would always get this weird pinch in his neck and he would remember that it would be wrong to do things like that. So he settled for twiddling his thumbs all the way back to his own apartment until the driver pulled up and Rick paid for the ride.

As he rode the elevator up to his apartment, he kept trying to figure out why he had rejected Natalie's advances. He wasn't a cheater but he and Gina were one slap away from breakup as it was so that wouldn't have mattered. Could it be…? He suddenly hit the emergency stop button and as the elevator came to a full stop, he backed himself against the wall.

He was in love with her.

Truly, madly, deeply in love with Kate Beckett. It was the only logical explanation. He couldn't be with other women because he was already in a committed relationship with a woman who wouldn't ever acknowledge his affections. Simple as that. Taking a moment to collect his thoughts and get over the initial shock of a long awaited confession, Rick caught his breath and pushed the button for the elevator to continue its ascent up to his loft. But this time, his eyes were glowing just a little bit. He didn't care if it looked like an afterglow, he was going to relish in the feeling of seeing everything clearly. He knew that as soon as he went back to the precinct, everything would go back to normal but maybe normal was exactly what he needed. It wasn't like this was anything new. He had known for a long time that he was indeed _hot for Beckett._


	2. Magical

**So I know some of you haven't seen tonight's episode (Poof You're Dead) yet in which case, I won't permit you to read any further. But if you HAVE seen it - so awesome right? Anyways, this is a little insight into Beckett's thoughts at the very end there. Hope you like it, I love reviews - they make my day - so please don't be shy. Also, if you don't like something, tell me. I love learning! 3**

**Disclaimer: I am a couple bucks away from owning Castle but not just yet. **

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Beckett wandered through the precinct completely preoccupied. Something was off about Castle and worst of all, it was bothering her. She didn't like the fact that Gina had done something to make him off and she _hated_ the fact that Castle and Gina's relationship was getting to her. Grabbing a bottle of water from the vending machine, she tried desperately to block all thoughts of Castle out of her mind. Just as she turned the corner, she heard his voice.

"No-" His back was turned to her so she just stood back and listened. "No, what I'm saying is," He took a breath and she swore she was too. "It's over." She stared at the back of his head, unblinking, unsure how to react. Part of her was jumping for joy, part of her was feeling empathetic towards them both and part of her was wondering what he had done to screw it up.

After Lanie had mentioned the article, she had slipped out to find a copy of the newspaper and flipped straight to page six. Right there in bold letters had been the most emotionally confusing article she had ever read. _Castle and Gina's relationship is on the rocks. What the hell does that mean?_ She had stared at the article for a good long while as she leaned against the side of the stand down the street from the precinct. Finally, she had thrown the paper in the trash and gone back to work, not – or trying not to – give it a second thought.

As the case had progressed, she had figured that what he needed was to not talk about it so that was what she did; though it was killing her. It had made her uncomfortable to see Castle avoid Gina because that meant that something was changing and change meant – in their case – moving in a direction either together or apart and she wasn't sure if she wanted either.

Now, as she stood listening to Castle break-up with his ex-wife/publisher it occurred to her that maybe he would want more privacy. She turned back towards the break room but stopped mid-step as Castle continued to speak.

"So what if I'm in love with her; this has nothing to do with that." His voice was calm but it was clear that he was agitated. "Because I-" She saw him cock his head towards the phone slightly as his tone became more annoyed. "I'm not discussing my relationship with Kate with you." Beckett did a silent spit take and blinked repeatedly, having nothing to actually spit out and she didn't want to startle him into realizing that she was eavesdropping. She suddenly realized that _that_ was what she was doing; eavesdropping on a very private conversation that was obviously very serious. And besides, he probably knew lots of other Kates. Whoa, why did she care? Since when did it matter who Castle was with?

Probably about the time his and Gina's relationship started bothering her. Definitely.

She listened from the doorway as he continued speaking.

"Look, can _please_ just got back to being business associates? We were good at that – a hell of a lot better than being a couple – you know that." She saw his shoulder sag in relief after what seemed like a long moment. She could practically hear Gina giving him a lecture about being co-workers and nothing else despite her having feelings for him. She knew that no matter what, Gina still liked Castle as a man, not just as an author – even she could see that – but obviously they weren't working. "Thank you, Gina." He clicked the off button on his iPhone and he exhaled tiredly. He needed a break. He replaced his phone in his pocket as he continued walking in the opposite direction.

Beckett was still frozen, watching the back of his head as turned the corner. What if he had meant it? What if he was talking about her? Who cares?

What was she going to do?

Closing her mouth and puffing all the air out of her cheeks, she looked down for the first time in sever al minutes and stared at the water bottle in her hand. Seeing the cold object seemed to snap her out of whatever it was that was keeping her grounded. Shaking her head, she returned through the break room and back to her desk and put on her leather jacket. She smiled as she stuffed the paper flowers in the sleeve of her jacket and tucked in her gloves. She figured with all the magic running around lately, he needed some of his own.

Speak of the devil.

"Heading out?" She looked up at him and she swore she caught something in his eyes that told her he didn't want to go home alone.

"Yeah." She made a decision that it didn't matter what his conversation with Gina had been about; he was her friend and he had just broken up with his girlfriend and the rules of friendship dictated that she needed to offer him some form of comfort.

So she would, however she could.

Because that's what they were;

_Just Friends._


	3. Savior

**Spoiler for 3x13**

**I watched one of the sneak previews and had to write this. There is very little dialogue but it's all from the promo - except for the last line - so you should probably watch it first. It's mostly just my take on what Kate is thinking through this scene. I'm trying to be better at understanding these characters emotions but there's only so much a girl can do. In any case. Here's another little snipet in their lives. Please Review and all that fun stuff. 3**

**Disclaimer: I am a couple bucks away from owning Castle but not just yet. **

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Castle and Beckett walked up to her apartment side by side silently, Castle's last remark lingering on her lips as she found her keys. As she unlocked the door, she took a long, slow breath before taking the step she knew had to be taken.

"Castle, there's something I need you to do." She closed the door as he stepped into her apartment, seemingly already familiar with it having only been to it a handful of times. He glanced at the folder he was carrying, needing his hands to do something. She casually pulled her gun out of its holster and placed it down on the table before turning to him.

"Name it." She shut her eyes for a brief moment as he looked at her. She hoped he understood.

"Go home." Her hazel eyes were stone as she watched him, waiting.

Without missing a beat, Castle answered making it seem like the most obvious thing in the world. "Forget it." He titled his head in an almost scolding manner as he shifted his weight in an attempt to cut some of the tension out of the air. "Fear does not exist in this dojo." He swallowed, silently praying that she wouldn't close herself off more than he already had seen her do so since the case had started. Her eyes never left his as she shook her head haphazardly, licking her lips before responding.

"Look, I signed up for this when I put that badge on; you didn't. This isn't your fight."

"Like hell it isn't." She almost flinched at his tone – not shouting but definitely harsh. As he continued, she diverted her gaze to anywhere but his, knowing that she would find concern in those baby blues. "I don't hang around you just to annoy you." She tugged a piece of hair behind her ear, hoping to throw him off of the rant she thought she knew was coming. As she did, she had a brief, fleeting flashback to the day Natalie Rhodes pointed it out to her. She also recalled the actress' observation of her relationship with Castle. She returned to reality less than a second later. "I don't ride out to crime scenes in the middle of the night to satisfy some morbid curiosity." She sensed him take a step closer with each point he made and she pulled her lips together. "If that's all this was, I-I would have quit a long time ago." His voice faltered for the briefest of moments as he tried to find just the right way to tell her what this was.

Beckett stared him down, challenging him to say anything less than what she expected him to say. "Then why do you keep coming back, Rick?" Without blinking, she watched him. More importantly she watched his eyes. Those blue eyes of his that always told her everything she needed to know about Rick.

Everything she needed to know from Castle came from Page 6; came from their walks to and from crime scenes; came from watching him walk away from her with Gina and then break up with his publisher six months later. Rick was another story. Rick was the guy who opened his door to her several times and in several different ways; Rick was the guy who had nothing but childlike joy and wonder in his eyes at the sight of an ancient bottle of scotch; Rick was the guy who would not leave her alone when a psychopath was after her. But more importantly, Rick was the guy who was standing in front of her – not Castle. She saw that instantly as he stared right back at her; this was Rick the father, son and all around gentleman who cared about her and in that moment she saw something else.

That instant of hesitation like he wanted to say something but couldn't and it was killing him to keep it bottled up. She wanted to break the moment and ask him why he always stared at her with these eyes filled to the brink with admiration and love but curiosity compelled her to keep her mouth shut. Even as the realization kicked in that he was staring at her with love.

"I may not have a badge," He swallowed, "unless you count the one Alexis gave me for my birthday." She shook her head, biting back a barely-there smile as she caught his attempt to once again break the tension that had grown ten-fold with the proximity of their bodies. His eyes lost hers for a moment as he realized his failed endeavour, regaining his focus. "But I'll tell you this, like it or not," He shifted his weight and raised his eyebrows in an almost cocky manner, careful not to break the moment entirely. "I'm your plucky sidekick." He informed her as he passed her to sit on the couch beside them. As soon as Rick passed her Kate deflated slightly and let her arms collapse at her sides as she turned to look at him.

"Plucky sidekick always gets killed." She pointed out, needing to remind him that he wasn't leaving her anytime soon. Rick sat down in one motion and looked up for a moment considering her words

"Partner then." He opened the case file and dropped it unceremoniously on the coffee table, wordlessly inviting her to get back to work. It wasn't until that moment that she realized he had never dubbed himself her partner despite it being the obvious word to describe who he was to her.

She could think of no better word. He knew her inside and out and he knew exactly what she always needed. He had saved her life more than once and she knew he would do it again in a heartbeat. He came with baggage but carried it well enough that she could forget his past despite knowing most of it and she was so comfortable with him that she could invite him into her home and let him get comfortable. In all manner of speaking he was her partner and that thought didn't scare her. Instead, she let herself smile just enough to let him know she was grateful.

"I know you are." He returned the smile and silently waited for her to walk around the glass table to sit beside him – closer than normally allowed by two people but they were partners after all and they were a lot closer than either really recognized.

They spent the next few hours just sitting on the couch, pouring over the case, trying to determine that last little bit of information that seemed to elude them both. Every once in a while, Kate or Rick would look up while the other was still hunched over the file and smile before returning to the task at hand: bringing closure to their partner.

As much as this was about catching her mother's killer, she knew that this would help Rick get over the guilt he had been carrying for a year over Coonan's death. She knew that he was still silently apologizing every day for letting it get so far that she was forced to shoot the man who killed her mother. She also knew that nothing she said would take that feeling away so she secretly hoped that finding her mother's killer would bring them both the piece they needed. Because there was one other thing that made them partners.

They shared the pain.

He carried just as much burden as she did and the fact that he was currently running a hand over his face, fighting away the sleep he had barely gotten in days, gave it all away. He was just as invested as she was and that thought scared her to no end. But it also made her shake her head with a smile as she returned to the file. This was Rick Castle. The man who she built theory with; the man who had her back in any battle; the man who risked life and limb to come back every time she threw him in the other direction. That was the man she saw now and that was the man she needed with her the day they finally closed her mother's case. It would come, one day, and all thanks to the man sitting beside her. Kate was glad to have met him. She was glad she didn't sleep with him the first day they met and she was glad he had kicked down her walls so many times that they crumbled every time he asked for access. She knew she was closed off and more importantly she knew that Rick wouldn't be there if he hadn't found some secret passageway that got through all of her defenses. God damn that man. Rick Castle. Not as vulnerable as Rick and not as childish as Castle but he held some of the same elements along with a sense of caring and comfort that a girl could get used to.

She was so focused on the case though that she missed his eyes glancing up at her and she missed his mind racing with similar thoughts to the ones she had just had.

Castle was right, they did have a connection and for once, she was glad of it because she knew that he wouldn't be sitting on her couch right now, stifling a yawn if he hadn't listened to her silent plea. When she told him to go home, she wished she had the nerve to tell him straight but her pride wouldn't let her. Instead, she had to hope that he understood just what she was asking him to do.

Stay.

Keep her company. Be the Rick Castle she needed and be her best friend above all else.

And he did exactly what she needed because it was what he needed too. He needed to stay with her; to be near her to make sure she was alright. He needed to close this case and he needed to give Kate the closure she needed. That was his number one priority because that was what partners did.

They saved each other.


	4. Hero Worship

**Based off of 3x15 The Final Nail**

**Basically this is my take on what might have happened when Beckett offered to buy him a drink. Not much of anything but a short conversation but please let me know what you think. 3**

**Disclaimer: I am a couple bucks away from owning Castle but not just yet. **

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They sat at the end of the bar in comfortable silence as the background noise of the _Old Haunt_ set in, each nursing a drink – "scotch on the rocks" for Castle and a nice glass of "water on the rocks" for Beckett. When they had first entered the establishment, they had just made idle small talk about their lives – consciously avoiding relationships and Valentine's Day – but as that died down; heavier thoughts plagued both of their minds. Finally, Beckett decided that they needed to address what was on both of their minds. She knew he was thinking about it; the resigned, distant look on his face gave it all away for someone who didn't know him. But she knew him. Very well. And the fact that his distress was _that_ apparent told her that it needed to be dealt with before it festered too deep into his subconscious.

"I know what it's like." She spoke casually as she took another sip of water, not looking at him. He didn't look up but she sensed his question lingering in the air and offered him the courtesy of placing her drink on the coaster in front of her. "To lose faith in someone who you once thought of as a sort of mentor." She tilted her lowered head towards him but still didn't meet his gaze. "It hurts like hell." Castle simply snorted and took a swig, finishing off the last of his drink and clanking it down on the bar.

"Yeah well the difference between us is I wasn't in love with my mentor." She knew instantly what he was trying to do and in any other circumstance, she would have kicked his ass for a comment like that – or at least glared at him – but tonight was not the night. This was about making her best friend feel better after watching his friend get arrested for murder. So instead, she settled for playfully elbowing him and allowing the remnants of a genuine smile to peak out as she finally looked up at him. After the day she had, she didn't even realize she needed to smile until it happened and she was glad for it.

"Regardless," She drew it out emphasising the need to move past that little part of her life. "I know what it's like to be young and scared and to turn to someone who seems to have all the answers. It's inspiring." And there's that ghost of a smile that had been playing at her lips since they entered the bar.

Just as quickly, her smile fell and her face returned to the ice that was slowly but steadily melting in her glass. For the first time all evening, she wished she had ordered something a little stronger than water. "But eventually all heroes fall." She picked up the glass and knocked it back, hearing the crushed ice clink against the sides of its container.

Castle watched her profile as she continued to stare into her glass once its contents her down her throat. She looked so sad, so broken. But not all of her – just her eyes. He hated that. Even more, he hated that he had inadvertently brought back all of those old memories of Roy and how he had betrayed her. But she would bounce back – she always did. That's when he realized.

"Mine won't." An instant later, Kate was staring into Rick's eyes with a mix of question and apprehension. "As much as I appreciated everything Damien did for me back at school and as inspiring as he was, he's not my hero."

"Who is?" She couldn't believe she was _that_ desperate to know who her shadow's hero was. But it wasn't her shadow's hero. It was her friend's hero – Rick's hero. She knew very well that it took just as much to pull information out of Rick as it did out of her and so she remained silent.

Rick's eyes smiled for the first time in what seemed like ages as did his lips and that alone warmed her. Finally, he answered. "My hero is too great to let anything get in the way. Not to say they don't feel. They feel so much that it pours into the soul of everyone around them." Kate willed her heart to stop beating out of her chest but it just would not listen. "But at the same time," Rick tilted his head, painting a quiet story; "they a strength and a beauty that could inspire anyone." He was no longer just looking at her, he was seeing her in a way that made her heart flutter. "Including me."

"That's a lot of pressure." She practically whispered.

"Not for her." That ghostly smile crept over his face as he took another sip but kept his eyes trained on her.

It was a long moment before Kate composed herself enough to lift her glass to his and offer a smile that held a twinge of fake that Castle didn't miss.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Castle." He decided to let it go for now. Clinking his glass to her's, he smiled a similar smile and suddenly understood why she had done it. There was something different in the air as they both realized who he was talking about and although a part of her was happy, a part of her was scared to death at the consequences. There was no way to quell those fears now but he could certainly offer some stability while she regained her composure.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Beckett."


	5. Cold

**Based on 3x17 (Countdown)**

**How I think Kate would have woken up after being in the freezer. Well a summarized version. I started this right after the episode with the intention of finishing and never did so instead, I just finished my thought and posted. Regardless, please read and review. 3**

**Disclaimer: I am a couple bucks away from owning Castle but not just yet. **

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Kate was cold. On the outside, she was warm but she felt like her insides were frozen solid and so she couldn't help but shiver as she opened her eyes. At least she thought she opened her eyes – everything was suddenly very bright – but at the moment her motor functions weren't up to par. Nothing was really functioning properly. She knew she was breathing but she couldn't feel anything; and she was thinking but she couldn't really think of anything. What had happened? All she could remember was sitting alone in a freezer very cold… and then nothing. But she had this odd sense that she hadn't been alone in that freezer. There had been arms around her as reality faded out hadn't there? As if her brain finally thawed out, she sat up in one swift motion.

"Castle?" Her voice was hoarse from disuse and the entire world was spinning – that was how she figured out that her eyes were open. Suddenly a pair of hands grasped her shoulders and gently pushed her down onto something plush. She was suddenly hyper-aware of everything around her. Of the sirens blaring in her ears; of the light shining from one eye to the other and back again; of the soft, plastic material beneath her body; of the chill coursing through her body being fought off by a warmer substance pushing it to the tips of her toes and fingers and out her body; of the hand still on her left shoulder, now hovering there in a caress that she couldn't feel. Every bone in her body felt stiff and tired but she couldn't rest. She had to make sure Castle was alright. She was now certain that he had been there in the freezer with her so where was he? Was he alright, was his hand the one caressing her? But it didn't feel like Castle's hand. No this hand was rougher, stronger and almost as familiar. She fleetingly thought it reminded her of Josh's touch but that wasn't right. Josh was in Haiti saving the world. Somehow, it still seemed selfish to be bitter about her boyfriend leaving her but at the same time, who was she to blame him for being too involved in his work. She wasn't a hypocrite – she tried not to be anyways. Castle wouldn't call her obsessed, he would call her dedicated. There was the twinge of fear again.

"Castle?" She asked again, trying in vain to sit up as the hand pushed her down again. Her vision was returning and she made out the blurred shadow of a man who looked exactly like "Josh?" She was fully awake now.

"Kate you need to lie back down." This time she complied for sheer dazed shock. The doctor looked into her eyes with a concerned smile as he pulled the tubes from her arm, wincing as he did so. Kate was too distracted to really notice. She nodded her head to either side, trying to visually get her bearings. She was in the back of an ambulance with just enough room on either side of her. She suddenly felt very claustrophobic but she wasn`t concerned about that at the moment.

"I thought you were in Haiti." He didn't respond but he smiled and she suddenly felt a little warmer. After a long, unsteady breath, she looked around once more but with a purpose. "Where's Castle?"

"He's in the other ambulance." Her boyfriend responded. "He hasn't woken up yet."

"Is he alright?" She suddenly felt this sense of dread seep through her body.

"He had a mild case of hypothermia. Same as you." Those arms suddenly enveloped her insides.

"He saved me." She thought.

"Yeah he did." Josh responded quietly as he leaned over her gurney to reach for something. Had she said that out loud? It was true but she hadn't meant to say it around Josh. Too late now.

He quickly returned with a grey blanket – devoid of description but not warmth. She hadn't realized it but she was still shivering. How long had she been in there? She watched Josh expectantly before she realized she hadn't said anything.

"How long was I out?"

"A little less than an hour." He responded coolly. She sat up on her elbows, afraid Josh would push her down if she tried to sit up all the way. He wrapped the blanket completely around her shoulders, trying to keep her warm.

"The bomb." She exclaimed.

"Kate you need to relax." He soothingly told her. His voice _was_ nice to listen to. "You are still very weak." But she was awake now and the wheels were turning. She sat up and this time, Josh assisted her until she was sitting completely upright. "But you need to go and do your job right?" Nothing in his tone was bitter and that alone was a comfort. Even more was her mind going through the motions.

She turned to him and he smiled so sweetly, she leaned in a kissed him in the ambulance. "You came back for me."


	6. Partner

**Based on 3x20 (Slice of Death)**

**I haven't written any fanfiction in what seems like forever but I'm updating today. I may have imagined it but when I heard Esposito talking about being a cop and being killed doing the most menial of things, he looked really upset so I decided that regardless, he was upset and Ryan noticed and this is what happened. It's not a slash in anyway, it's just some brotherly love.**

**Disclaimer: I am a couple bucks away from owning Castle but not just yet. **

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The case was closed. Castle and Beckett had gone home to their loved ones and Ryan and Esposito had made plans to meet up with their girls after work but Jenny had made plans with her sister and Lanie was quote "up to her nose in cold ones" so the dynamic duo decided to head down to The Old Haunt – after all they _did_ know the owner – and grab a brew before heading home.

So there they sat in comfortable silence as the hum of the tavern grew to a buzz as the clock above the bar read ten twenty-two. Esposito had just finished chugging the last of his first bottle when Ryan twisted his half empty glass of scotch around and lightly placed one edge of it on the table.

"So are you going to tell me what happened?" He continued to stare into his glass as his partner smacked his bottle down and looked him.

"What happened when?"

Ryan lifted the glass to his lips. "To your old partner." He tilted the glass back enough so he could take another sip.

"You met my old partner. Or do you not remember being almost shot by a rogue IA officer?"

"Not him." The Irishman put his glass down completely. "The one that came between him and me." Esposito tightened his jaw but didn't move. "Look I know that you had a partner in Homicide before we got assigned together but you've never talked about him. So who was he? What happened to him?"

"Hey it was a long time ago-" The Hispanic detective shifted back in defense.

"Hey partner." Ryan interrupted him. "I can't totally _be_ your partner unless you trust me."

"I do trust you, man."

"Sure with saving your life but even Beckett's learning to trust Castle with the personal stuff."

"Hey that's different bro; Beckett's in love with Castle." Esposito suddenly eyed his partner. "You don't-"

"Dude." Ryan subtly shook his head. "I'm getting married in a few months."

"I had to ask." The pair smiled at the lightened mood which lasted until Ryan spoke again.

"But you do trust me right? I mean my best man trusts me enough to tell me what's going on, right?" Ryan had confirmed that Esposito was his best man about five minutes after proposing to Jenny so it wasn't a shock to find him using it against his partner.

It was a moment before Esposito liked his teeth and nodded slowly. "Yeah I trust you, bro." Ryan shifted on his bar stool slightly, feeling a very important story coming on.

"His name was Greg Xanders. Seasoned cop; the best on the force. That's why they assigned him a rookie for a partner. I mean this guy was the best of the best. He could crack any suspect. He had the highest closure rating in the precinct; he was probably better than Beckett." Ryan raised his eyebrows at this. It was no secret that tough-as-nails Beckett was as close to super-cop as you could get. "This guy was tough as nails at the precinct – total hard-ass. But at home, this guy was a teddy bear. Three hundred muscled pounds of fluff. His wife, Megan was the sweetest little thing and his two kids were the greatest. This guy was the ultimate. He had the perfect life." Even Ryan could see the light in his partner's eyes dim a little as he continued. "I was only his partner for a few months. In that time, he was my mentor. He should me everything it took to make the switch over to Homicide and come out on top. There was this one time when we had caught on to this street gang who had been killing off prostitutes on the lower east side. It had made it up to the 12th and we had been assigned the case. We were so close to shutting them down. We had their warehouse surrounded, no escape. Greg and I went in first and five seconds later… boom." He used his hands to heighten the situation but Ryan didn't notice. "We were surrounded by eight men all with very big guns and we had no way to signal to the other guys for backup. Greg got me out of that mess in one piece." The detective grew silent for a moment and the rest of the bar seemed to be following suite as if the whole joint were listening. "He got out with a bullet to the shin and that was it. We arrested the thugs and their operation was shut down." He had taken to playing with his hands. Wringing them over and over, squeezing the muscles in his palms. Ryan simply gripped his glass in awe. Suddenly Esposito gave out a laboured laugh which brought Ryan just that little closer to reality. "A week later he was giving a speeding ticket on LIE when he was hit by a driver who had been drinking all afternoon. No one could prove it but a bunch of the guys figured it wasn't as open and shut as everyone thought."

"You thought he was killed because of one of the cases he worked?" Esposito shrugged and suddenly became very interested in the bottom of his bottle.

"No one could prove anything so we moved on." The bar returned to its usual buzz.

"Hey man I'm sorry-" Ryan tried to apologize for bringing it up. If he had known it would be this painful for his partner, he wouldn't have pushed.

"Like I said; it was a long time ago." He lightly nudged his partner. "Now I've got a partner who doesn't walk anywhere."

"Never did trust my own two feet." They both smiled a little but strained but mostly well.

There was a long moment where neither of them really moved, just stared at the bottom of their respective drinks. Nearly a minute later, Esposito spoke.

"Hey man, thanks."

"For what?" They both looked up around the same time.

"For being my partner." Ryan bumped his partner.

"Anytime; partner."


	7. Door

**Based on 3x22 (To Love and Die in LA)**

**So I was watching the 6th Sneak Preview for Monday's episode for the millionth time and I thought: _what is going through that girl's head_? So I wrote it down. It starts after she close the door and ends with her opening it. Enjoy 3**

**Disclaimer: I am a couple bucks away from owning Castle but not just yet. **

* * *

"Good night, Castle." She whispered as she gently closed the door in front of her. Her fingers lingered on the door knob as she heard it click closed and she stared at the paint in front of her. With an exhale of disbelief and disappointment, she leaned her back against the door and shook her head.

What was she thinking? She was dating a wonderful man who was so good to her and he understood her obsession with her work because he was just as obsessed with his. They had so much in common – they liked the same music, the same movies, mostly the same books – he would never admit it to her face but she knew that he hated Castle's books – and yet, they were just so incompatible that it was driving her crazy. She had no real reason to break up with Josh other than the fact that their relationship had reached a lull. But all couples reach lulls right?

_Not yours and Castle's_ she reminded herself.

But that was different; she and Castle weren't a couple. Never had and probably never would be for the simple fact that she was a chicken. She wasn't stupid; she was very intelligent in fact.

Except when it came to men.

She couldn't figure out how Castle was even possible.

He was infuriating and lovable and childish and mature and impossible and perfect; all at the same time. Well correction: he wasn't perfect – far from it.

_But he's perfect for you_. There was that voice again; the one that sounded a little like her mother. Or was it that she sounded like her mother so when she talked to herself she got them mixed up? In any case, the voice in her head was wrong. She and Castle were not some star-crossed lovers who were destined to be together. They were just partners; and best friends; and lately, she had wondered… if maybe they were more. The little pick-me-up he had given her earlier was certainly more than friendship. It was indefinable; it was… Castle-ship.

A relationship like theirs deserved its own name.

A relationship like theirs sucked. It was so damned confusing all of the time. One minute she is yelling at him to leave her alone and act like an adult and the next she is envisioning herself bent over her desk with Castle undoing her pants with his teeth.

No one could function like this.

Sometimes it seemed like their entire relationship was run on sexual tension; but it wasn't. They had solid friendship to back them up. But wasn't that problem? Their friendship kept playing over and over in the back of her head, reminding her that she was the only one who was feeling more and that if she said anything, she would lose her best friend forever.

She felt more right? How much more was a serious question she had been avoiding asking herself. She liked him? Of course. As more than a friend? Maybe. She loved him? Absolutely not.

She couldn't love Richard Castle; there was no way she could. It was absolutely impossible to love someone like him and she knew it.

Then why did her heart flutter every time he smiled at her? Or every time he looked at her with those blue eyes that seemed to constantly be gazing into her soul. Didn't his eyes ever get tired of boring into hers? It was the same gaze he had just moments ago.

Oh god, he was going to kiss her wasn't he?

That's what that gaze meant.

But he _always_ looked at her that way.

So he _always _wanted to kiss her?

That was ridiculous. That would mean that he felt the same way about her.

Did he?

_Oh god_, she ran her hands through her hair as she went over all of his expressions, letting her hands rest on her mouth for a moment.

He really did care about her – of that much she was certain – but everything else – the kissing and the love part – she wasn't certain.

_The only way you're going to find out is if you open the door and ask him_. Why did the voice always have to be right?

She gazed at the door for a long moment.

Could she do it? Could she just turn the door knob and open the door for him? Could she put her entire heart on the line to ask a simple question?

Wait; what was she doing? She was making this into more of a big deal than it was.

_Was that why your hand hesitated on the door knob?_ Her fingers twitched as she realized the truth in her own words. _Face it sweetie, there's more riding in a question like that than you're willing to admit_.

If she asked Castle if he loved her and he said no, she would probably never be able to work with him again. She would think about him constantly but she wouldn't be able to let him bring her coffee every morning and spin ridiculous theories for her.

But if he said yes…

Life was about taking risks; calculated risks didn't always count. And in this case, she knew this was one of those uncalculated moments.

She opened the door and walked through.


End file.
